I began writing this blog in my notes on 06.06.2019 and it began with -
'You know, it scares me! We are halfway through the year and all I can think about is the time I've wasted. Whether that be in work 37h a week or coming home with zero energy nor inspo completely brain dead. I think of how life would be if I'd grafted harder where would I be? But all I can do is push harder.'
Yet this being said I bump into people and they say look at you you're doing so well where you off on holidays next? And I just think to myself hmm am I? I know I can be so much more...
To me waking up everyday to do what you love is success, success is not waiting for a break on your next holiday. Everyone's ideals are different and I may be asking for a lot butttttt - I want to wake up EVERYDAY and feel as if my life's a holiday.
So I've always thought f**k this let me hand my notice in but it just wasn't practical at the time.
Soooo, why do so many of us strive to be such a success chasing more and more and more? It's as if we believe happiness will come to us when we've reached a certain target and as if happiness is somewhere to be found in the near future. Why don't we think of ourselves worthy of happiness in this present moment? I guess I believed once I'd handed my notice in and was smashing my dream career then I'd be happy but why not NOW whilst still in my job? You have to remember to stop and take a minute to give yourself recognition of how well you ARE doing and how far you have come, just enjoy the whole process.
I've learnt to enjoy each day for what it is but I'm also discovering the balance of working towards future plans in the meantime.
So why do I still feel such a strong need to push for better?
Remember I said success to me is waking up on a daily basis and doing exactly what I want/need to do. Loving what you do is a success to me and I don't love what I do. So I'd often get frustrated and think FFFF this I'll just quit now and do what I want then. But what I wanted was driving lessons, holidays and the occasional designer handbag - my job was paying for all this!!! If I just left like I wanted to I wouldn't get what I wanted anyway. You have to persevere sometimes and think of what you want from the bigger picture. Slow down, go with the flow. What's the rush?
This is why I stress the importance of building your skill bank and mastering your craft while you're young and don't have any major outgoings. You may be broke to begin with but one day with persistence THE WORK YOU LOVE WILL BRING IN THE CASH. But that's a topic for next time...
But my point is, I'm not satisfied with this job so it's time to move on and get what I want.
"Think about the life you want to live and then say no to anything which isn't that"
From now on I'm going to try and remember this quote when making choices in my day to day. I am a believer that money is freedom as it allows you to go where you want when you want, do whatever you want, eat drink even wear whatever you want!!! However on the other hand, if you're doing something draining is the money worth the sacrifice of you're mental health and creative outlook on life? I don't think that's worth losing over money so find something which fulfils every aspect of your life. I strongly believe with a healthy mind, creative attitude, and dreams - with time, focusing on bringing your visions to life will bring you more money than a dead end 9-5 ever would.
Fast forward to now and after thinking long and hard and taking everything into consideration I HANDED MY NOTICE IN and will be leaving on the 30th of August. Staying would be going against everything I ever believed since as young as I remember - "I never want a basic job, I don't want to work a regular 9-5, I'll never sit at an office desk all day, I'm gonna love what I do, I'll never do anything I don't want to, I want to work for what I believe in" - I started to believe the opinions around me that this wasn't reality and I was wrong for believing I could have different.
So yeah, I am proud to finally be listening to my own voice and doing what I want!!!
I think it's important to note that I'm not telling people to quit their jobs. The old me would have gotten fed up and left without a back up plan. But I made sure I had plan A,B and C before leaving. I had options of where to go and what to do when I left and I'm over the moon with where it's all heading! So don't hand your notice in without a plan. If you love your job I'm happy for you, but for those who don't - don't be scared to explore your options. To me jobs are good as a temporary thing whilst you work hard at your side hustle until that becomes the official work.
I've always loved the saying -
"You can make a heaven of Hell, or a hell of Heaven"
Even if your job is holding you back, learn to love the journey for it is just a temporary moment in time and there is more to discover. Try to pick yourself up during the sad moments in life because they show you your HEART and in your heart you'll find PASSION which will be your DRIVE for more. My goal is to wake up everyday and be happy and enjoy the journey. The journey only God knows and only I can imagine, but my heart and passion will keep me going!
What will keep you going?